Limitations or Opportunities

Last summer, I began experiencing pain in my hands, especially when I had to grip anything. The middle finger of my right hand was the first to hurt. (And no, it was not from making ugly gestures in traffic as my dear husband sarcastically suggested.) Slowly, it progressed to both hands, then to elbows, shoulders, neck, and ankles. Monday, I finally received a diagnosis of fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia is what I have, not who I am.

Fibromyalgia is real and elusive. No cause is known. No cure is known. It occurs more often in women than men. The best explanation is that the nerve endings that report pain, just keep firing for no reason. Your body reacts as if there is a real pain stimulus, causing the muscles to contract. This results in widespread pain and fatigue. The great news is it is not life threatening. Living with fibromyalgia appears to be an ongoing learning curve of pain management. The goal is to maximize the good days and minimize the bad ones. Accept. Adapt. Adjust.

Personally, I blame the Keebler elves. After being cooped up in that tree all day, forced to make cookies with out union benefits, they want a little down time. So at night, they sneak out and whack me with little elf size baseball bats. That aggression has to go somewhere. I haven't caught them yet, but I am sure that is how the cookie crumbs got in my bed. Surely, my husband wouldn't eat cookies in bed and leave crumbs? I didn't think so. I digress. Back to the elves, elves are mean! That cute image is a facade. If I could just catch 'em, I think I could take 'em. This is my theory and I am sticking to it. HHHHmmmmm, maybe it is a good thing I left the medical research field!

Due to the attacks of rogue elves, pain of various intensity greets me most mornings. Fatigue awaits me many evenings. Many hours in between are normal. The variability and unpredictability are frustrating, making it difficult to plan my days. Yet, life is good. Christ is with me every minute of every day. He is teaching me how to ask for help, from Him, my family and others, something I am not very good at. Self-sufficiency comes much more naturally to me.

I tend to live by the "It's just easier to do it yourself than to ask for help." philosophy. Humility, it is a good thing, but painful in its own way to learn. My good days give me hope. My bad days build my faith and teach me to lean hard on my Savior. I am blessed to have an amazingly supportive, loving husband, two wonderful daughters and great Christian friends who pray for me. Life IS good. God IS great, even on my worst day. Everybody has something! This is just my something.


Regardless of whether my pain is Keebler elf-induced or stems from overzealous nerve endings firing indescriminately, I have a choice to make. I can let my symptoms define and control me or I can walk day by day with Christ. I choose door number two. I have no desire to sit around and "what if" myself into depression or worry. Instead of mourning what I can't do, I choose to focus on what I can. God is teaching me something about Him and about me. How good a pupil will I choose to be? The truth is God was sovereign before I was diagnosed and last I checked that hadn't changed. His grace is sufficient.

I will not let a disorder define me or my life. It may alter how I live it, but it doesn't define me. I chose to define myself as Christ defines me since I turned my life completely over to Him: I am a beloved daughter of my King, a royal princess, the apple of His eye. If His eye is on the sparrow, I know He has not lost sight of me. I am a victor, not a victim. How can you win a victory without an opponent?

Fibromyalgia is my opponent. It is also an opportunity for God's strength and grace to shine through in my life. I am blessed. How are you defining yourself today? By your limitations or by your opportunities? What if your limitation is your opportunity? Think about it.