Limitations or Opportunities

Last summer, I began experiencing pain in my hands, especially when I had to grip anything. The middle finger of my right hand was the first to hurt. (And no, it was not from making ugly gestures in traffic as my dear husband sarcastically suggested.) Slowly, it progressed to both hands, then to elbows, shoulders, neck, and ankles. Monday, I finally received a diagnosis of fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia is what I have, not who I am.

Fibromyalgia is real and elusive. No cause is known. No cure is known. It occurs more often in women than men. The best explanation is that the nerve endings that report pain, just keep firing for no reason. Your body reacts as if there is a real pain stimulus, causing the muscles to contract. This results in widespread pain and fatigue. The great news is it is not life threatening. Living with fibromyalgia appears to be an ongoing learning curve of pain management. The goal is to maximize the good days and minimize the bad ones. Accept. Adapt. Adjust.

Personally, I blame the Keebler elves. After being cooped up in that tree all day, forced to make cookies with out union benefits, they want a little down time. So at night, they sneak out and whack me with little elf size baseball bats. That aggression has to go somewhere. I haven't caught them yet, but I am sure that is how the cookie crumbs got in my bed. Surely, my husband wouldn't eat cookies in bed and leave crumbs? I didn't think so. I digress. Back to the elves, elves are mean! That cute image is a facade. If I could just catch 'em, I think I could take 'em. This is my theory and I am sticking to it. HHHHmmmmm, maybe it is a good thing I left the medical research field!

Due to the attacks of rogue elves, pain of various intensity greets me most mornings. Fatigue awaits me many evenings. Many hours in between are normal. The variability and unpredictability are frustrating, making it difficult to plan my days. Yet, life is good. Christ is with me every minute of every day. He is teaching me how to ask for help, from Him, my family and others, something I am not very good at. Self-sufficiency comes much more naturally to me.

I tend to live by the "It's just easier to do it yourself than to ask for help." philosophy. Humility, it is a good thing, but painful in its own way to learn. My good days give me hope. My bad days build my faith and teach me to lean hard on my Savior. I am blessed to have an amazingly supportive, loving husband, two wonderful daughters and great Christian friends who pray for me. Life IS good. God IS great, even on my worst day. Everybody has something! This is just my something.


Regardless of whether my pain is Keebler elf-induced or stems from overzealous nerve endings firing indescriminately, I have a choice to make. I can let my symptoms define and control me or I can walk day by day with Christ. I choose door number two. I have no desire to sit around and "what if" myself into depression or worry. Instead of mourning what I can't do, I choose to focus on what I can. God is teaching me something about Him and about me. How good a pupil will I choose to be? The truth is God was sovereign before I was diagnosed and last I checked that hadn't changed. His grace is sufficient.

I will not let a disorder define me or my life. It may alter how I live it, but it doesn't define me. I chose to define myself as Christ defines me since I turned my life completely over to Him: I am a beloved daughter of my King, a royal princess, the apple of His eye. If His eye is on the sparrow, I know He has not lost sight of me. I am a victor, not a victim. How can you win a victory without an opponent?

Fibromyalgia is my opponent. It is also an opportunity for God's strength and grace to shine through in my life. I am blessed. How are you defining yourself today? By your limitations or by your opportunities? What if your limitation is your opportunity? Think about it.

Three Piercing Cries

A piercing cry splits the dawn
On that first Christmas morn.
Salvation draws its first ragged breath
in infant flesh, forlorn.

A piercing cry splits the sky
As demons and darkness rejoice.
Christ crucified; God glorified.
He stayed on the cross, His choice.

A piercing cry splits the dawn
On that first Easter morn.
An empty tomb; promised heavenly rooms
humanity's hope, reborn.

The Cross

The C.R.O.S.S. stands for:

Compassion not condemnation.

Resurrection not resignation.

Obedience not obstinance.

Salvation not survival.

Sanctification not sanctimony.

A Heart from which Gratitude Springs

Thank you for the dreary days of winter
and the starkness of bare trees.
Thank you for the green of new grass
and of freshly budding leaves.

Thank you for the blackest night
and the light daybreak brings.
Thank you for the rain and storms
and the growth that from them springs.

Thank you for the daffodil
and the rose with its thorns.
Thank you for the trilling bird
that helps to greet the morn.

Crashing waves and bubbling brook
both from your hand come.
Shall we thank you only when all is well
and not in the midst of the storms?

Thank you Jesus, please grant me a heart
from which gratitude always springs.
Thank you Jesus for all that transpires,
may I thank you in everything.

Bits and Pieces

If God the Father did not swoop down and spare His innocent son from the suffering of the cross, He will not always swoop down and deliver us from our suffering either. But He will be with us through it all and work it all for good. This is where the rubber hits the road--will you believe as you and your loved ones suffer and no relief seems to be on the horizon?


Unbelief is seeing one set of footprints in the sand and thinking they are yours.

Self-focus leads to self-pity which leads to self-reliance which leads to self-destruction.

Faith is the bridge between our ever-changing emotions and the unchanging truth of God's word. Which side of the bridge will I stand on today?

Sin promises what it cannot deliver and delivers what it cannot promise. Sin promises a short cut to happiness at little to no cost and delivers long-term misery at great expense to yourself and others.

The Cup and The Cross

For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself,
Lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls,
You have not yet resisted to bloodshed striving against sin.
Hebrew 12:3-4

O Dear Lord,
help me drink from my cup
'tis not so bitter as Thine.
Though there be dregs,
let me savor the taste of the wine.

Grant me obedience from yielded heart.
Thy will prevail and not mine.
Sustain me with thy mercy and grace.
Unfold thy glorious design.

O Dear Lord
help me take up my cross,
'tis not so rugged as Thine.
Though there be pain,
let suffering my spirit refine.

Beauty will thy form from the ashes,
of the trials we endure on this earth.
Mourning will turn into dancing
as creation awaits its new birth.

The cup and the cross instruct me today
the same way they did for my Lord.
Help me sweet Jesus, I watch and I pray,
A faithful servant be yours.

When the Mountains Fall

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in time of trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea; Psalm 46:1-2


The names roll off the tongue: Grandfather Mountain, Beech Mountain, Sugar Mountain, Blowing Rock, Chimney Rock, Table Rock and many more. These names are familiar to those of us raised in North Carolina. For my family, they evoke memories of summer camping trips and winter Christmas tree expeditions. As long as we have been traveling to the mountains of North Carolina, there has been change. Towns grow. Big box stores spring up. New restaurants appear. Old favorites close. Ah! But the mountains with their recognizable silhouettes, bumps and ridges, they remain the same.

There is a comfort in their familiarity, in their seemingly unchanging nature. As we drive the twisting mountain roads, we orient ourselves by the identifiable contours of each mountain. They dominate the horizon. They define the landscape. They help us know where we are when the roads are turning back on themselves. We all need dependable reference points, and not just while driving in the mountains. We need them in our physical, spiritual and emotional lives. When so much is changing and uncertain, we come to depend upon those “unchanging mountains” in our lives.


Our “mountains” have different names, but they define the landscape of our lives just the same. We call them things like good health, a secure job, healthy parents, a loving spouse, a happy family, financial security, a stable government, or a united church home. What happens to us when one of our mountains crashes into the sea? Suddenly, we are thrust into unfamiliar territory. Often we become disoriented. Our horizon is altered, sometimes drastically. We have to find another way to navigate the sharp curves of life.


Now there is good news. Even if one or more of your mountains has crashed into the sea, there is a way to have a point of reference that never changes. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever (Hebrews 13:8). Everything else is temporary. Nations fall. Nations rise. People are born and people die. Marriages begin and marriages end. Parents become dependents and dependents become parents, all way too early. The only true security available to us is Christ. He is our Rock, our true Mountain. Everyone and everything else are road signs, pointing us to our Creator and Sustainer.


God designed us to be in fellowship, first with Him and then with others. He works through other people in our lives to reveal His love for us. It is not wrong to grieve when we lose someone or something of importance. We were made to love; therefore we will grieve when that love is lost. However, we do stumble into trouble when we turn things around and begin to worship the gifts instead of the Giver, regardless of how precious the gifts.


The temporary blessings of this earth are just that, temporary. What temporary blessing has God removed? Did you make the mistake of thinking it was permanent? We all do. Did it ever occur to you that you had so much to lose because God had given you so much in the first place? Psalm 121:1-2 says the following:

I will lift my eyes to the mountains; From where shall my help come?
My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.

Whatever difficulties you are facing now, whatever your horizon looks like, whatever mountains have slipped into the sea, look up. Look to the Lord. He is there waiting to hold you, to comfort you, to guide you. You are not alone. He will not leave you an orphan. He is always with you. He will supply all your need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus (Phil 4:19). He never changes. Let Him love you today.

The True Color of Paint

My bedroom walls are painted the most incredible shade of green. After a long day, the soothing hues help me to relax and unwind. Depending upon the vantage point, the paint takes on very different tones. The shades range from a soothing sage to a deep muted green. In one corner you would swear the walls are two completely different shades, but they are not. The paint is the same. It came out of the same can and was applied with the same brush. So how can something that is the same appear so different? It is the lighting.

Jesus is the Light of the World. There is no darkness in Him. When His light is shed on our hearts and lives, it reveals our true colors and our true circumstances. More often than not, we would like to pick and choose our truth like we pick our groceries in Walmart. I'll take this Biblical truth because it lines up with what I already believe, but I'll ignore that uncomfortable or challenging one over there because it would cost too much. Just like the paint on my bedroom walls, we can't always trust our eyes to tell us the truth. That is why we so desperately need the true Light of His Word.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. There is no shadow of turning with Him. Will you allow His perfect light to change your perspective? Your actions will follow your beliefs, just as surely as thunder follows lightning.
Today as with everyday, you have a choice. Don't hide your head under the covers. Seek the light of His word and walk in it. Let His true colors shine in your heart.

Pride, Forgiveness and the Comfort of Jesus

Often as Christians we struggle with forgiving ourselves for past sins. This may sound harsh, but I feel the root is pride. We tend to think we are much further along the sanctification highway than we really are. Until our deaths, we will all continue to struggle with our sinful desires that are in opposition to God's plan for us. Why are we shocked by this? God isn't! God is not done with us until heaven.

For those of us who have walked with God a long while, it is easy to become secure in the blessings and the hedges of protection God has given us. What happens when those are stripped away? For seven years God had me in an incubator of security, spiritual connection and church family. I thought those blessings were permanent. They weren't.

For the past several years I have seen that incubator stripped away and that hedge broken in multiple places. My initial response was to pray and seek God. However, as the losses mounted, I sought Him less and less. I fell into the pit of self-focus, self-pity, whining, grumbling, complaining, and depression. I had begun, however subtly, to believe that God "owed" me those things. God will not allow us to have idols, even Christian ones such as service, fellowship etc. He is the only true source of permanancy and sufficiency in our lives. Turned out He knew I hadn't grown in Him quite as much as I had thought. How easily pride can creep in!

I spent much of my life growing up viewing God as my enemy. He wasn't there to help me. He was there to set impossible standards and then to condemn me when I failed to live up to them. When difficulties come, I can still fall back into old thought patterns and coping mechanisms without even realizing it. What old patterns are you falling into? What has happened in your life that you never saw coming? What are you just shaking your head at because you never thought it was possible, either in yourself or in someone else? What did you think was permanent that is now gone?

The bare bones reality is that God is either who He says He is or He is not. He is either perfect, pure, all knowing, all sufficient or He is a fraud. Pick one, but for goodness sakes, don't try to straddle the picket fence. He says His plans for us are for good, not for harm. If so, how do you explain all the hurt in the world? Is God telling the truth?

Not only is God telling the truth, He is the TRUTH. I believe we get discouraged because we view things from our limited vantage point. If this world was all there is, then you are right, life isn't fair. But this world is the forward of the book. Eternity is the novel. Eternity is the adventure. Eternity is perfection and it is real and it is coming sooner than we know.

For those of you who are struggling with your own shortcomings, go to God, confess and ask forgiveness. It is the privilege He died to give us. Do you think He is going to deny you? He is waiting with open arms to accept you just as you are, but He loves you too much to let you stay that way. He is calling you. Block out the voices of pride and condemnation in your head and replace it with the still small voice of Jesus. Come, dear one, let Him comfort you today.

Power Up

I ultilize a laptop for most of my computer work, which means it needs to be charged frequently. Now I have the original power cord, but occasionally when I plug it in to the computer I get the following warning: "The AC adaptor type cannot be determined. Your system will operate slower and the battery will not charge. Please connect a Dell adaptor for best system operation" So, I go check the connection and wiggle the little cord. Using my Ninja-like computer skills, I glare at the screen and eventually my computer is happy and the battery charges and we are good to go.

As a homeschool mom of two and an office manager in my husband's business, I often feel like I am operating slow and my battery isn't charging. These are the times that God nudges me to check my connection. It is so easy to let that time with Him become a lower priority. There are so many seemingly urgent, time-dependent things that need to be done. Yet, without that daily connection to Him, I am running down my batteries and eventually, the power is drained to zero and I am good for nothing.

At times I have tried alternative power sources: that cup of coffee in the morning, escaping into tv or books, or looking to friends. None of these things are wrong in and of themselves, but when we go to these things first, we are choosing an imitation power supply. Today I am asking Jesus to help me connect back with Him so I can power up. I want Him to show me things I can change that will help me operate better, whether it be scheduling, eating, exercise, quiet time etc. The truth is sometimes I don't always want to hear what He has to say. Sometimes I just want Him to wave a magic wand and fix things the way that I would like. Seems so much easier, but then I don't grow and He isn't glorified.

Dear Lord,
Please give me the desire and strength to seek you with all my might and to put into action the things you show me. Help me slow down enough to be still and hear you speak to me. Help me discern between the urgent and the important, the temporal and the eternal. I pray that today I would listen for your voice, rely on your wisdom and not lean on my own understanding. Lord I am praying for an authentic connection with You today. Power me up.
Amen

The Two Year Old in My Kitchen

My youngest daughter loves to cook. She always has. When she was little she wanted to "help" me in the kitchen. Now somedays I loved to have her company. At other times when I was in a hurry, in a bad mood, or needed something done just so, it wasn't always convenient. As my girl grows up, I look back upon those times with great fondness. I didn't really need her help. Most of the time she slowed me down, but that wasn't really the point. The point was to spend time making memories, getting to know her, and teaching her just a bit. The end product wasn't nearly as important as the process. The food we made is history. The memories aren't.

Our walk with God is much like my experience with my daughter. Over time, I have come to realize that I am the two-year old in His kitchen. He doesn't need my help. He could accomplish His purpose faster and more efficiently without me. But you know what? He loves me. He wants to be with me. He wants to build memories. He wants to teach me some things. He wants me to get to know Him as well as He already knows me. When I start to stress over the tasks He has assigned me: mother, wife, daughter, friend, office manager, homeschool teacher etc., He sweetly whispers in my ear and reminds me it is His recipe. He reassures me He is right beside me, guiding, instructing.

Simply put, my job is to listen to Him. He will tell me when to stir, when and what to add, when to wait, when to let things simmer, as well as when to take things out of the oven. You see, it is His job to direct me, my job to listen and obey. How often I forget and I think I am the cook. I think I should tell Him when and what to add, how much heat is enough, when to stir the pot and when to leave it alone. It really is much sweeter and peaceful to be the two-year old, trusting my heavenly Father with a child-like faith. So if you are stressing because you have gotten the roles reversed and you think you are the cook, RELAX. God is in the kitchen of your life and He is cooking up something fantastic. Can't wait to snuggle up next to my heavenly Daddy and see what's cooking. Something sure smells good.

Bittersweet

I have been blessed to have had a long relationship with Jesus. Like most of my relationships, it has had its up and downs. At times I have paid it great attention and been rewarded beyond my wildest dreams. At others, I have neglected it to my detriment. Ironically, the times I have been closest to Him, heard Him the clearest and felt Him nearest, have been during the most stressful times of my life. When things are good, I tend to start relying on my own strength, making the mistake of thinking I have life under control. Now that makes God laugh!

When I first started seeking God's will for my life, I didn't think I was all that bad. Oh I was sure I had a few areas that needed spiffing up, but no major renovations necessary. After all, I was a good person right? The more time I spent with God, the brighter His light shone into the nooks and crannies of my heart. Wow. There was a lot more dirt there than I thought: all the little selfishnesses that I excused, judgmental attitudes that I justified and the "martyr" spirit of "If I want something done right around this house, I have to do it myself." Any of this sound familiar to anyone? It is so easy to ask God to have mercy on me and turn around and demand "justice" for the one who has offended me.

Fortunately, God is patient with us. I know He was with me. The longer I walked with Him the sweeter getting to know Him became. The bitter came as He revealed to me attitudes and actions that were not pleasing to Him. Sometimes we are afraid to go to God because we aren't quite sure we really want to hear what He has to say. Will He make us give up something dear? (Maybe) Will our old friends reject us? (Maybe)Will we make new friends?(Yes) Will following Him really be worth it? (YES) The truth is walking with Jesus will change you. Yes, you will have to give some things up. However, God replaces whatever He asks you to sacrifice with something far greater, a peace and a strength that only He can give. I like myself much better now, even though I have a much better understanding of my weaknesses. I have no illusions about my own "goodness." Anything good in me is the result of Christ in me, the hope of glory. I know the type of person I would be, and sometimes still am :), without the grace of God guiding me. There is great freedom in admitting our failings and our need for Jesus to save us daily from ourselves. I don't have to have it all together. That isn't bitter. That is sweet.

Marriage Maintenance-This Old House

There used to be this old show on PBS called "This Old House", where they would find an old neglected house and repair it. Sometimes that show reminds me of marriages that have been around a long time. I am always stunned when I find out a couple has divorced after 15, 20 or even 30 years of marriage. How did they make it that far to stumble so close to the finish line? What can I do to make sure that doesn't happen in my marriage? It is scary to think of. Church going Christians have just as high if not slightly higher divorce rate than the general population. What is up with that?

For what it is worth, I think it is the "This Old House" syndrome. Just like you get used to things in an old house, I think you start tolerating cracks and fractures in your marriage. I think it is easy to get lazy. I think it is easy to skip the maintenance. It is not that you are actively trying to do anything to destroy your marriage. You just quit doing anything to build it. My challenge to you today is to look around at the house of your marriage. Are there cracks in the foundation? Have you neglected the plumbing? Is the paint peeling? Ask God to show you where you can start to do some creative maintenance and restore that old house to the show place it was when you started. Have a great day!

Proverbs 14:1
The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish woman pulls it down with her own hands.

Beware of Clear Mud

A few years ago, when my youngest daughter was five, two of her cousins were down to visit. Imagine three little girls, stair stepped in height and age from six to four, with my little tow headed blondie in the middle. We had a spot in our yard that stayed wet even in the height of the summer drought. Because there was grass underneath, the water stayed clear on the top, but the minute you stepped into it, you were covered in mud. I sent the girls out to play and told them to stay away from the muddy spot in the yard. Five minutes later there was a knock at the front door. Three little girls with downcast faces, just like the three little kittens who lost their mittens, were covered in mud from the knees down. I looked at my daughter and asked her why she didn't stay away from the mud. " But Momma," she wailed, "it was clear mud."

How often do we as Christians step into clear mud? The thing seems harmless at first glance. Our intentions are innocent and all the sudden we are covered in not so clear mud. Maybe it is a friendship that goes too far with a member of the opposite sex. It doesn't have to be physical, but when you start looking for emotional intimacy with a member of the opposite sex, that is sign that clear mud is doing more damage than you think. It is easy to rationalize poor choices. Ask God to show you where you are headed into clear mud today: compromises in your marriage, your job, your friendships, or your relationship with God. And then do what those little girls did, confess and ask for help.

I did not yell at those three little girls. The intent of their heart was not one of rebellion. I did take them in, help them strip off those muddy shoes and socks, put them in the tub and clean them up. I John 1:9 says that if we will confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If you've wandered into clear mud, don't try to clean it up by yourself. You will probably just make a bigger mess. Run to your heavenly Father today. Trust Him to forgive and cleanse you. Hope this Hug from Heaven helped you today.

Crossroads

Here I stand at the crossroads.
What decision will I make?
Here I stand at the crossroads.
What fork in the road shall I take?

My God is who He says He is.
Even when I cannot see.
My God is who He says He is.
He is watching over me.

My trials are not without purpose.
There is a reason for my pain.
May I learn to count all as loss
That Christ Jesus I might gain.

Show me the root of my doubt.
What am I failing to believe you for?
Show me the false belief within,
a new heart and spirit restore.

Lord help me defeat my unbelief
Help me confess and repent.
Help me to trust and hold on tight
may my knees and my heart be bent.

I am who He says I am,
Beautiful, Righteous, Restored!
I am who He says I am,
The apple of His eye, Adored!

Here I stand at this crossroads
of the faith I've had since my birth
Here I stand at this crossroads.
I choose Jesus, He is enough.

original poem by Beth Huff 2009

Tears on the Surface

Tears on the surface
Peace flows underneath
The perfect storm is raging
Rock of Christ underneath my feet

Rest is not found in my circumstances
Rest is found in my God
Fully man, fully divine
Whose feet this earth has trod.

One thing He requires of me
Obedience, yet not blind
Choosing to trust His unfailing love
Through trials, character is refined.

Stillness in the inward parts.
Faith thou hast desired.
Trusting Him to see me through
As mysteries transpires.

Nothing I will experience
Nothing I will see
That hasn't been measured and sifted
God knows what is best for me.

original poem 11/2009 BGH